Starting Over Read online

  Mr. Simon smiled with a nod. “Keep at it. They’ll get stronger.”

  Straightening my back, I focused straight ahead, and grasped the reins, struggling to keep them from moving up and down.

  “Steady your hands. Pretend there’s a pin in your head and someone is pulling you up.” I straightened again. “Okay. That’s better. Now give her some leg, go around one more time and then ask her to trot.”

  I bounced up and down and couldn’t contain my grin.

  “Good job, Trina.” Mr. Simon clapped his hands. “Keep it going. More leg. Don’t let her quit. Come on. Press hard with your legs. More. Put your heels down. Farther. That’s it. Okay a couple more times. Now, let’s see you canter.”

  Chancy’s ears twitched, telling me she was listening. Every movement I made while on her back translated into a command. I was the driver, and if she didn’t do what I wanted her to do, it was usually my fault.

  After a few minutes, my legs turned to pudding. I lost my seat. My legs had stopped communicating with Chancy, and I had no ability to direct her. Mr. Simon called, “Okay. Walk. Good job.”

  As I walked the stadium, I caught Dad out of the corner of my eye, standing by the fence with Colton asleep in his arms. He gave me a thumbs up, waved, and headed home. I smiled and continued riding without moving my head.

  Back in the barn, I hosed my warm horse with cold water and used the sweat scraper to remove the excess. Then I led Chancy into her stall and fed her apple chunks before brushing her saddle marks off her back. She lowered her head and nudged me to stroke her muzzle.

  Muffled crying came from somewhere nearby.

  I poked my head into the hallway. Sobbing and a low soothing voice floated from Knight’s stall.

  I held my breath. I know I shouldn’t. But, how can I not listen?

  After a moment, I tip-toed to the tack room, carrying Mrs. Brown’s grooming supplies. As I stood outside the door holding my breath, the details drifted to me. My radar ears tuned-in to every word from Morgan.

  Then Sarah walked in the shady barn and called. “Trina. Are you still here?”

  My heart leaped in my chest like I’d been prodded with a hot branding iron.

  I backed into the tack room, wiped away a loose tear, and stepped out for a second. “Sarah, I’m in the tack room.”

  Mrs. Brown and Morgan stopped talking.

  Sarah walked in, her eyes examining me. I had my finger to my lips.

  As soon as Mrs. Brown’s boots clunked toward us, I spoke louder. “Well, hi, Sarah. You just missed my lesson.”

  Mrs. Brown entered the room, and I tried to look innocent.

  “Hi, Mrs. B. I was just putting your grooming tools away. I had a great lesson.”

  Her focused eyes zoomed into my soul. “Hon, if you heard anything, please remember Morgan’s feelings.”

  A surprised expression sprouted on my face, and I hoped the green in my eyes didn’t give me away. “I only heard crying as I walked into the tack room. I need to clean my tack.” That was almost the truth. I smiled and released my breath.

  “You know, Trina. It might be best if you leave your tack for later.”

  I locked arms with Sarah. “Okay. We’ll head out to the pond. Is everything all right?”

  Mrs. Brown avoided my question. “I had planned to see your lesson. I’ll try to watch next time.”

  Heading toward the door, I called back. “That’s okay. I’ve got to ride more often to make any progress. I’m so busy with Colton’s training, I barely have time to practice.”

  Almost out the door, I turned. “I’ll be back in the morning. Heather has something to do tomorrow, so it’ll be just me. Thanks for letting me bring Colton. He loves coming to the stall.”

  Mrs. Brown approached even closer. Her voice softened and her eyes pleaded with me. “Please, Trina. Give Morgan some time. We’re working on a few things.” She smiled and patted my arm before heading toward Knight’s stall.

  Chapter 14

  Far away from the barn, Mrs. Brown’s statement hit me as funny. Out of the blue, I bent over, cracking-up with laughter and patting my knees. “Morgan’s feelings? Those two words do not go together.” I gulped some air and burst out loud. “Be careful not to hurt her feelings! Hmm. Really? After all her insults.”

  Sarah’s head bobbled with a stunned expression. “Did you really hear anything?”

  “Yeah, but I don’t want to talk about it right now.” I looked at my feet and swallowed my moment of pleasure.

  She stopped in her tracks. “Why not?”

  I shrugged. “I need to think about what she said.”

  Sarah looked at me sideways. “How long are you going to need?”

  “I don’t know. She’s really hurting, and I shouldn’t be laughing.” I took a long breath and blew it out. “But I’ve been so angry, it felt good to let loose. Now, I’ve got to think about her situation.”

  Clutching my arm, Sarah smirked. “Want to spend the night at my house tonight? I don’t have soccer practice.”

  “Uh-huh. So you can get me to talk?”

  “That wasn’t the reason.” She huffed.

  I leaned my head, questioning her with a squint. “All right. If you promise not to bug me with questions. Let’s go ask.”

  Mom sat in the kitchen drinking tea, and Colton slept next to her chair until we barged into the room and spoke.

  Mom’s puzzled face stared. “And who is going to take care of Colton?”

  “Oh. My. Gawd! I got so caught up in Morgan’s problems, I actually forgot about him.” I turned to Sarah. “What was I thinking? I have to stay here. And be up early with him. You could stay here, Sarah. I won’t wake you when I get up.”

  Sarah pulled out her phone and texted her mom. She answered. “Fine.” Sarah scurried home to get her pillow, her tablet, and a flashlight.

  After dinner, we reverted back to our old days of playing Ghost in the Graveyard, using it as a game to desensitize Colt. I made Colt stay as Sarah hid behind a tree. Colton chased me, looking for her. When he got close enough, Sarah jumped out, screaming. Then we switched. Colt had to find me. When he tired, his tongue drooped sideways. We rested on the grass and in seconds, Colton crawled across my lap. The cicadas sang to us as we watched for falling stars.

  I stroked his head. “Isn’t he the cutest?” I pulled him up to my face and kissed the top of his nose. “Maybe you’ll sleep longer since I’m keeping you up.”

  “That’d be nice.” Sarah smiled and rubbed Colton’s back. “Are you ready to go to the barn?”

  “Yep. Let’s get our flashlights, and I’ll leash Colt.”

  The horses neighed and whinnied from their paddocks as we approached. Colt stayed by my side and lifted his nose at the fence. Rapp, the gentle paint, stuck his head between a lower rail, to sniff at Colton.

  Colton planted his front paws on the lowest fence rail and they bumped noses.

  “That a boy.” I patted Rapp’s nose. “Horse.”

  I split the treats in my pocket with Sarah, and we distributed them to the horses. When all the treats had disappeared, I brushed my hands together. The horses knew what that action meant.

  “All gone.” I turned to Sarah. “Okay. Time to go home.”

  Colton had learned the word “home” and headed that direction. Knight rushed over to his fence and blew a trumpet sound, announcing he wanted one more nose rub. I darted over and gave him one last pat.

  As we walked home, the wind picked up, and gathered all the dark clouds. Little by little every star disappeared. July was noted for noisy thunderstorms that sometimes brought tornadoes.

  Sarah grew nervous, and we hurried inside moments before the downpour. Colton watched the flash through the window, and before the thunder roared, I grabbed leftover treats in my pocket. I wanted him to expect something special
when the noise boomed. After two bursts, his eyes went to my hand, and he licked his lips.

  Upstairs, the timing was perfect to continue desensitizing Colton to noises. I had already slammed doors, clanged pots and pans, let the tea pot whistle, and dropped a tennis shoe in the dryer while he played in his room. Tonight, I dropped the blinds to hide the lightning from Sarah and startle Colton.

  “It’s great that our summer storms blow through quickly.”

  Sarah grinned and stared at the blinds. “Later, when the lightening is gone, let’s go for a walk in the woods. I love the smell of our pine trees after a storm.”

  “Me too. And I bet we’ll see fireflies flickering through the wet leaves.”

  Sarah and I waited out the storm, listening to her favorite tunes on her phone. The music blared for a couple of minutes, and then she turned the volume down. My bullet proof puppy yawned and thumped his tail on the floor.

  Since we needed to occupy ourselves while listening to the music, I pulled out my beach puzzle. We searched for pieces to three dolphins leaping behind a shrimp boat and Colton lay next to my chair.

  Sarah leaned closer. “All right. Enough ignoring the subject. You know I’m dying for you to spill the beans. Are you waiting for me to beg?”

  “Hmm—I’m just not sure I should tell.” I never looked up.

  Sarah twisted around. “What did you just say?”

  “When you found me in the barn, I had heard Morgan. And I’ve been thinking about everything she said. But you can’t share anything. If I tell you.”

  “Of course. You know I won’t.”

  I glanced at her over my right shoulder and clicked my tongue. “Well, you tell me secrets from other friends that I’m not supposed to know. Why would my information be any different to you?”

  “Well—” Sarah got serious for a whole minute. “—I’m thinking.” She paced the room, and then plopped across the edge of the bed on her stomach, leaned on her elbows, and held her chin up with her hands.

  Colton followed. He stretched his body next to Sarah’s, tuning-in to her expressions.

  In her position, Sarah purposely made the words come out missing their beginning sounds, but I understood. “This is really personal to you, so I promise on our friendship to keep my lips sealed. How’s that?”

  I fell across the other side of the bed and caught her devious eyes. “It’s great. But do you really mean it? And, can you really do it?”

  Sarah didn’t back down. She stared right back at me.

  “All right, I’m going to trust you.” I blew out all my breath. “Morgan cried for a while. I heard only bits and pieces in between her sobs. She said that she was always by herself. And something about having two brothers. It sounded like one is far away, like maybe in the service. And the other one is away at school, a college somewhere. I didn’t hear clearly, but she mentioned that when he’s around, he carts her back and forth. Otherwise she calls a taxi.”

  “Okay. So now she’s like the only child. That’s like us. We do fine.”

  “Yeah, but we have parents who are involved with us.” I stared at her.

  “So…”

  “The only other thing that made me really sad for her was when she angrily shared, ‘My parents are never around. My dad travels, and Mother is always working and going to school.’ I don’t know what any of that means, but it’s enough information to see she is by herself. All the time. She may really need a friend.”

  “Oh, no!” Sarah bounced into an upright position and sat crossed legged with her back stiff and straight, looking like a mannequin. Her blank face told me her brain was spinning. After a moment, she spit out, “Trina, she’ll chop you into small pieces and throw you out in the manure pile.”

  I laughed so hard, I snorted. “That’s the funniest thing you’ve ever said. Very descriptive! And scary. Wooo!”

  Colton lay across the tops of my thighs using what he’d learn later was called a hug. I wasn’t upset, but one day he’d know to use use this skill to relax me. I stroked his head.

  Attempting to stay serious, Sarah gave me a stern face. “She’s vicious. She’ll hurt your feelings.”

  Colton stayed on my lap. “Well, hurt feelings can’t kill me. I want to try and help. It could be my good deed for the rest of the year. Maybe for the rest of my life.”

  Sarah’s eyebrows hiked. She clasped her hands and squealed. “Oh My Gawd! That’s the truth.”

  I glared. “Now that you know, if you say bad things about her, I’ll find out.”

  “Okay. Okay.” She nodded. “It’s a pinky-finger-promise.”

  We crossed our right pinky fingers and shook them. “Secrets forever.”

  An awkward silence fell.

  Colton leaped off the bed and went to the door. He whined.

  “Oh, Colton wants out. And now that the storm is over, let’s go explore.”

  We ran outside and inhaled the wet, woodsy smell. Tiny specs of yellow blinking lights flashed off and on in the trees. We caught Colton’s reaction to the flashing specs and had a good laugh.

  I dashed to the deck and grabbed two jars. “Here Sarah. Let’s catch some fireflies.”

  Sarah caught six and I caught four. Their flashing lights brightened our faces, and as I held the jar closer for Colton to see, he put his nose to the jar. When they twinkled, he backed away. He watched from a distance, and then stepped closer and closer, not moving his eyes.

  After a few minutes, we unscrewed our lids and flicked the jars forward, saying, “Fly away. Fly away, home.”

  With my parents in bed on the other side of the house, Sarah and I had the kitchen to ourselves. We scooped giant blobs of ice cream into a bowl, poured salted caramel syrup on top, and squirted whipped cream. I added three maraschino cherries to mine.

  We walked Colt to his room, and I gave him a command, “Touch.” He nosed my hand, and I put a small treat inside his crate.

  “Night—night, baby boy. See you in the morning!”

  Sarah and I headed upstairs.

  My alarm beeped way too soon. I wasn’t used to staying up late, but it was worth it. Silently, I eased from the room, letting Sarah get her beauty sleep.

  Colton turned in circles as I approached. Our typical fun morning began with running outside and dog grooming, but my mind worried about my decision to help Morgan.

  Determined to start changing her, I told myself. “Today’s the day.” But every time I thought about what I was planning to do, my hands shook and my guts turned all jittery. I swallowed, trying to keep the waves down.

  Finished with puppy duties, Sarah and I had breakfast before she scurried home for her soccer practice, and I headed to the barn. Colton raced into his stall. I took my old phone out of my pocket and started to call Chase. I’d run out of texting minutes. He’d tell me if I was doing the right thing.

  Of course, on this morning, for the first time, Morgan arrived before I started chores. She disappeared into Knight’s stall. Silence. Not even Knight made a sound.

  That’s not a happy pair. Maybe I should hit cancel? I am on my own. What to do? What to do? And no time to talk with Chase.

  Walking toward her stall, I sucked-in warm barn air, but my heart galloped and seized my next breath. I turned around and paced in the hallway, trying to calm myself. What could she do to me except be rude. Come on Trina. You can do this!

  Gasping, I pranced directly to her stall and stuck my head in her door. “Hi, Morgan. How’s Knight?”

  Morgan’s horrid glare burned a hole right through me. “He’s fine. Why?”

  I inhaled a deep breath. I think it came all the way from my toes, but I kept my promise to myself. I held my chin high and answered. “No reason. Just a way to say, hey.” I stopped talking and waited for a response. Nothing. So I started jabbering anything that came into my head. “Sarah and I feed t
he horses treats at night. Knight sure loves getting attention and eating apples and dog biscuits.”

  She didn’t even flinch before she fired back at me. “Why are you giving him apples or dog stuff? What if he’s allergic to those? You could’ve made him sick.”

  “Morgan, I work here. Remember?” My eyes never wavered from her. “I know about every horse. Mrs. B would have told me if there were any problems.”

  We continued our stare down. “Well, he’s my horse, and you should ask me if you can feed him something else.”

  I yanked on a few strands of hair on my neck and twirled them around and around to sooth my anxiety. I kept her stare. “Okay. Now you know he’s had treats every night since he’s been here, and he’s not allergic to them. But, I’ll go ahead and ask.” I swallowed. “Morgan, may I give Knight treats with the other horses?”

  She threw her head sideways and walked away. “I’ll talk with Mrs. B about it.”

  I couldn’t move. I pressed my lips, locking the words inside. But after a second had passed, I pushed the thought aside and flew out her stall door.

  Chapter 15

  Reeling after my conversation with Morgan, I peeked over Colton’s stall door. Older now, he needed more interaction, and being with him always relaxed me. “Mr. Colton. We’re going for a walk.”

  He lifted his head, and his whole body wiggled.

  Going from a walk to a jog, we circled the horses’ swimming pond. Colt’s ears perked. Three brownish green-mallard ducks paddled in the middle. Occasionally, their heads went under the water and their bottoms pointed to the sky as they searched for food. Colton froze, and then charged, pulling on his leash, barking, and wanting to race into the water. I kicked off my orange clogs, and let him wade up to his chest in the brown water.

  The ducks ruffled their feathers, flapped their wings, and quacked so loudly, the horses snorted in the barn. After a quick huddle, the birds quacked again and then rose to the sky, one at a time. Colton lifted his head higher and higher, watching them fly away, until he flopped onto his bottom in the water.